It started in #wordcount:

misterroque
[09:07] Oh hey! I missed word day
[09:07] Sowhatwhocareswannafightaboutit

deathkitten
[09:08] pulls out her fountain pen and takes a fencing position
[09:08] I’ll fight you!

misterroque
[09:08] Aw shit
[09:09] Bringitbringitbringit
[09:09] En garde!
[09:09] ⚔

deathkitten
[09:09] lunges, driving the sword pen fight into #random

#random

misterroque
[09:10] falls over a chair, dizzy from pushing through the channel membrane. Drops sword

deathkitten
[09:10] chases @misterroque into the channel, brandishing her fountain pen as if it is a sword
[09:11] kicks the sword away, and bops @misterroque on top of the head with the pen
[09:12] That’s one point for me.
[09:12] 😀

misterroque
[09:12] scurries under a table, whimpering pathetically

deathkitten
[09:12] 😕

misterroque
[09:14] uses confused sympathy as a distraction, reaches out and grabs dk from under the table, tripping her. Steals pen and runs into #general

deathkitten
[09:14] grabs the discarded sword and gives chase

#general

deathkitten
[09:15] swings into the channel on a chandelier

misterroque
[09:16] tries to get into a good fighting stance, carefully stepping around all of pathics birthday cakes
[09:17] throws pen like a knife at dk’s head as she lands from the chandelier

deathkitten
[09:21] ducks, the sharp nib of the pen leaving a slice across her forehead as she almost doesn’t duck fast enough
[09:22] gives chase, seeing her foe is unarmed save for his wits

misterroque
[09:27] surprised the thrown pen didn’t finish her, roque falls back into an absurd pile of birthday cakes, sending collateral confectionery flying everywhere
[09:27] realizing he’s unarmed, he takes a candle, still somehow lit, and sets fire to the channel drapes

deathkitten
[09:28] Ooo, fire
[09:28] is dazzled

misterroque
[09:29] flees into #ididathing closing the door behind him, attempting to seal dk in the burning channel

deathkitten
[09:30] remembers she’s supposed to be the second most responsible person in the slack, and the first most responsible is probably still sleeping off birthday celebration, so she should probably put out the fire
[09:31] drags out the firehose and rinses the channel clean

#ididathing

misterroque
[09:32] comfortable in what he assumes is victory, roque begins grabbing handfuls of cake off his person and eating it

deathkitten
[09:32] sneaks in through the air vent

misterroque
[09:33] nom nom nom

deathkitten
[09:38] silently sneakily sneaks up behind @misterroque and holds the sword to his throat
[09:38] Drop. That. Cake.

misterroque
[09:41] swallows one last bite, then invokes Rob Roy and grabs the sword with his bare hand, cutting himself deeply but creating just enough space to escape. Flees into hatch leading down to #submissions

deathkitten
[09:42] Curses!

#submissions

misterroque
[09:42] takes the pool cover off the bog of eternal sadness that lives in this channel, setting a trap for dk

deathkitten
[09:44] takes a shortcut, chasing a swan over a fence. The swan gets caught in the trap

misterroque
[09:46] carefully pulls the now Very Sad Swan out of the bog, and begins swinging it by it’s neck as a feathery club at dk

deathkitten
[09:47] Swan abuse!
[09:47] pulls out a citation book

misterroque
[09:52] pauses to grudgingly accept the citation before sticking his tongue out, blowing a raspberry, and poking dk in the eye

deathkitten
[09:53] Ow! Hey!
[09:53] smacks roque up side his head
[09:53] That hurt!
[09:54] puts on eye patch

misterroque
[09:58] realizing the eye patch makes her look way more badass than he does, he flees through the bog of eternal sadness (immune to its effects from a lifetime of exposure) into #political

#political

misterroque
[09:58] Aha! Let’s see if you can survive The Shitstorm!
[09:59] gets into a ready position for fisticuffs (queensberry rules, of course)

deathkitten
[10:00] bursts into the channel now dressed like a pirate, even with a parrot on her shoulder

misterroque
[10:08] feints with a jab at dk, and then throws a right cross at the parrot

deathkitten
[10:11] dodges the jab as the parrot goes sailing across the channel and into #playlists, yelling “YOU JEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK, SQUACK” as it goes.
[10:13] It was Jackson’s last day before retirement.

misterroque
[10:16] laughs, then prepares to throw an uppercut, but ducks and rolls for cover just as The Shitstorm of the channel rolls in, like a veritable haboob of shit

deathkitten
[10:19] pulls her billowing pirate coat closed around her to protect herself, pulling her hat down over her face. She silently bemoans the death of the peacock feather in her hat
[10:24] fights her way to #playlists

#playlists

deathkitten
[10:12] a parrot comes tumbling into the channel
[10:25] stumbles in, disposing of shit covered jacket, hat, and boots just outside the channel in the in between.

misterroque
[10:36] crawls into the channel through a hole in the wall of harsh noise, starving for air, his body now covered in a slurry of shit and old cake. He realizes the best way to win the combat is through love, so he pulls himself to his feet, looking like some kind of marbled monster, stumbles toward dk with arms outstretched screaming “HUG ME!”

deathkitten
[10:37] pulls out the fire hose and sprays all the shit cake off roque
[10:39] picks up the poor punched parrot and tentatively approaches the drownedroque for the offered hug

misterroque
[10:44] the offer is genuine, and roque embraces dk, hissing at the parrot behind her back and mouthing the word “SOON”

deathkitten
[10:46] hugs it out as the parrot squawks “roque is a parrot hater!”